Price You Pay
by Crow Skywalker
Summary: Ken thinks about things. [Songfic]


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Price You Pay

Hai! Another songfic by Crow-sama! Omg...she did something other than yaoi! O_o...just trying something new ;P I'm not sure if the song really fits the fic...but hey, I tried! It sounded good at the beginning...but I'm not so sure o.o;; Anyway, the song is 'Only God Knows Why' by Kid Rock. Yes, there is a few swear words...but only two ^^; Anyway, I do not own Digimon, or the song itself so don't sue o.o;;

~*~

__

I've been sittin here  
Tryin to find myself

Ken Ichijouji sat at his window ledge, looking out at the city before him. A cold winter breeze blew the curtains back, giving Ken a better view of the city. The cold didn't bother him. Somehow, it refreshed him. Cold was what he had felt for years now, and it still hadn't changed. Not yet at least. He was different from everyone else. Everyone else was warm, friendly, everything he wasn't. He was evil; or so he had been. To him, he still was. The Kaiser would always be a part of him, imprinted in his memory.

  
_I get behind myself  
I need to rewind myself_

When had this started? He tried to remember. It finally clicked. His family, and many other problems had driven him to it. The death of his brother was what made him finally snap. All the anger and pain that was built up, he let it go. Unfortunately, it had been on the Digiworld and its inhabitants.

  
_Lookin for the payback  
Listen for the playback_

They say that every man bleeds just like me

He now wished that none of this had ever happened. Maybe if he hadn't even been born, his brother Osamu might still be alive today. After all, he had been the one who caused his death, hadn't he? He had wished for his brother to disappear, and he had. But back then he was only a child, and didn't understand the world around him. He had been stupid to even think that, but he was only a child then. And being a child, he had taken it really hard.

  
_And I feel like number one  
Yet I'm last in line_

Being the Kaiser had helped him. He could take out his pain on others, and didn't have to deal with life anymore. To him, nobody would have missed him. But he had been wrong. His parents truely did care about him. And now that he was back, everything was better. His parents were treating him like their son again, not just some genious who they could show off. He wondered if Osamu had felt the same, being praised and looked up to.

  
_I watch my youngest son  
And it helps to pass the time  
I take too many pills it helps to ease the pain  
I made a couple of dollar bills, but still I feel the same  
Everybody knows my name  
They say it way out loud  
A lot of folks fuck with me  
It's hard to hang out in crowds_

He was glad that Wormmon had finally showed him the path back to reality, but also devistated that he couldn't of seen it earlier. Wormmon had died for him; something Ken would never have thought of doing for Wormmon. Wormmon had loved him, even though Ken had been cruel and had done evil things.

  
_I guess that's the price you pay  
To be some big shot like I am  
Out strecthed hands and one night stands  
Still I can't find love_

Now that Wormmon was back, he felt a bit better. He wanted to clean up his own mess in the Digiworld. After all, he had caused it. But how could he make it up to all those Digimon who still feared him? There was nothing he could think of. Would they ever forgive him?  
  
_And when your walls come tumbling down  
I will always be around  
  
Yeah  
As it...hey  
  
And when your walls come tumbling down  
I will always be around_

  
_People don't know about the things I say and do  
They don't understand about the shit that I've been through_

The other Digidestined had asked me to join them. I knew that if we worked together, things would go a lot faster. But I refused. Somehow, I wanted to be alone to clean up my mess for a while. Maybe I would join them soon. We were running into each other a lot lately because of the new threat to the Digiworld, and I knew that they needed my help, but I just couldn't join them. Not yet.

__

  
It's been so long since I've been home  
I've been gone, I've been gone for way too long  
Maybe I forgot all things I miss  
Oh somehow I know there's more to life than this  
I said it too many times  
And I still stand firm

They didn't understand his problems. Nobody did. None of them felt the pain and guilt that he was feeling now. None of them had destroyed other's lives, thinking it was all a game. And he had, not caring for their lives or feelings. They were reborn, but they still had suffered.

__

  
You get what you put in  
And people get what they deserve  
Still I ain't seen mine  
No I ain't seen mine  
I've been giving just ain't been gettin  
I've been walking that there line  
So I think I'll keep a walking  
With my head held high  
I'll keep moving on and only God knows why

Another breeze blew into the room and Ken shivered. He stood and closed the window, blocking out the cold. Only the warmth was left. 

"Ken?" Came a voice, and a rapping on his door. "Dinner is ready.."

Ken sighed. He really didn't feel like eating, but he was going to do it anyway. Just for his family.

He headed across the room, towards the door. Before he reached it, something caught his eye. A glimmer of light refected off a picture on his computer desk. Picking it up, he stared at a young Ken and Osamu hugging and smiling intently. He couldn't help but smile at the picture. Maybe there was hope for him after all._  
  
Only God  
Only God  
Only God knows why, why, why, why  
Only God...knows...why, why, why  
Only God knows why  
Take me to the river edge  
Take me to the river, hey hey hey  
_

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Fin


End file.
